It seems like everywhere I turn I see magazine articles and TV spots pushing body positivity and “new standards of attractiveness.” Until you come to the ads.
All of these brands seem to be making their plus-size clothes in the seedy back workshop and still pushing only skinny, traditionally attractive, girls (and guys) to the front of their ad campaigns.
One of the most troubling aspects of this advertising is that it decides what many people in our culture decide is attractive. Why would a guy pursue a plus-size girl when all the media he consumes is telling him that she is the opposite of attractiveness.
However, that is mostly a rant that I’ve made before and I’ll leave for another time. However, this level of advertising (okay, brainwashing) has led many plus-size women to wonder if men even like plus-size girls.
Or, maybe, all men actually want plus-size girls and are just shy about it?
While that last part is more fantasy than anything, the fact is that there are many men who do like plus-size women, just as there are women who like plus-size men. And by “like” I don’t mean they just overlook your weight.
But let’s get into it a little further.
What men find attractive is not universal. Some guys want to date plus-size girls, and others want to date skinny girls. Most importantly, guys who like big girls like them as much as those who like slim girls like slim girls.
The problem is that there are three types of guys who “like” plus-size girls. While I won’t tell you what you should want, be sure to familiarize yourself with these types of guys so you can recognize them in your life.
Types Of Guys Who Like Plus-Size Girls
In my experience, there are three types of guys who like big girls (plus size, chubby, more-to-love, or whatever you call yourself…).
1. The Gold Standard
This is what I’d like to think of as a “normal” guy. He likes your personality and he finds your body attractive. He genuinely finds you attractive as a plus-size woman and prefers that you stay that way. However, he loves you for you and will love you regardless.
This is the kind of couple that gets fat together and just stays in love without any problems.
2. The Accepter
This guy “accidentally” fell in love with a fat girl. He wishes she was more attractive but can put up with her body.
The degree of his “fat acceptance” will determine whether this type of relationship can continue long-term. Does he hide you from his friends? Is he proud to introduce you to his family?
No one you date will probably admit to this one so look for the warning signs!
3. The Fetishizer
Personality matter the least to this “guy”. He is into plus-size girls simply because he wants their body or something else that they can give him. This type of guy is typically as toxic as possible and is to be found in his natural habitat, dating apps, and preying on needy and vulnerable women.
I’ll just leave it at this: liking big girls only for their body type is just as shallow as liking only skinny girls for their body type. There is more to everyone.
Single people can be vulnerable to love-bombing and all types of social tactics. Wanting to be loved is such a deep human need that it can make one play tricks on themselves and convince them of things that are not true.
In a state of emotional vulnerability, plus-size girls can be preyed on by weight fetishists, who like the sexual thrill of being with a big girl but are looking for “conventionally attractive” girls to parade around as their girlfriends.
While you must know that millions of people can find you attractive enough to date, hundreds of thousands have bought the slim-worship propaganda and would want to only have sex without making the relationship official.
Knowing how to differentiate these three types of guys will lead to a fulfilling romantic life.
How to Spot and Avoid a Fat Fetishist
Your main goal when looking for a stable long-term relationship as a plus-size girl is to have a filtering mechanism for fat fetishists. Here are the signs that the person who has approached you has a fat fetish.
They Expect You To Have Low Standards
Fat-fetishists experience cognitive dissonance because they value conventional beauty but find you beautiful. Still, they think from society’s perspective and expect you to be relatively “easy.” For instance, let’s take the three-date rule that some girls self-impose to filter out guys looking for a one-night stand.
If it is commonly acceptable for “attractive” girls to have that standard and you’re still pressured by a guy who has alleged to find you attractive enough to ask for a date, then that man has the cognitive dissonance of a fat fetishist.
They Have Never Committed to a Big Girl Before
This might seem contradictory because someone with a fat fetish should be a serial big girl chaser, right?
Such guys hide the girls they are secretly dating and show off the girls they are publicly dating. He might be a fat fetishist if he doesn’t have public pics with a big girl.
But this is not a given. Sometimes, people delete their exes simply because it is painful to have the memories on display.
They Are Too Sexual, Too Quick
Men and women both have sexual desires. However, desperation for sex signals low social status to our subconscious.
If a guy gets too sexual too quickly, you might consciously notice that he’s treating you more as a sex object than a potential partner. But your subconscious might already get the creeps from the repulsive desperation.
Avoiding a Fat Fetishist Requires Standing Your Ground
If you have enough support, you can be reminded of your intrinsic value and how much love you deserve. You should have standards exactly as high as you want.
And you should never accept being treated any differently than a slim girl. This attitude of knowing your worth pushes away fat fetishists.
How to Spot a Genuine Guy?
This is a problem that makes dating a nightmare for slim, medium, and plus-size girls. For plus-size girls, it is easier to spot a genuine guy because most guys go after slim and medium size girls. This means they have to sift through a lot of poor matches. Where a slim girl gets potential dates on a spectrum of sincerity, a big girl gets all the extremes. There are fat fetishists with zero sincerity and sincere guys who are into big girls.
The difference between a fat fetishist and a guy who is genuinely into big girls is that the former has issues.
A man who likes big girls but is ashamed of his desires treats it as a vice and compartmentalizes it to the point of making it a vice. A guy who isn’t ashamed of what he likes has his life in alignment where he doesn’t need a partner that looks one way and a sex mate who looks another way.
The key to spotting a genuine guy is to look for one thing: patience.
A guy who is patient with you is likely to like you genuinely. When fat fetishists see resistance, they simply move on to the next big girl. To them, size is everything, and they move on as if all big girls are interchangeable.
Make patience a permanent part of your standards, a non-negotiable, and put yourself out there.
Conclusion: Do Guys Want to Date Plus-Size Girls?
Guys want to date plus-size girls, but many are ashamed of what they like and categorize it as a fetish.
For a long-term stable relationship, you should only date guys who have previously been public about dating a big girl. This can keep fat fetishists away.